The Crafty Squire

Melbourne, VIC

1 / 5
WORDS BY NICK MASON
Photography by Jess Prescott

Boasting the only working microbrewery in the CBD, The Crafty Squire beckons everyone from casual drinkers to craft beer connoisseurs to discover their flavour of choice, presenting an extensive variety of ales and lagers.

An especially indulgent afternoon is guaranteed should you be simply working your way through the drinks menu – not to mention the limited releases on offer. And what pairs well with a selection of beverages? Live sport, of course. In that respect, The Crafty Squire has you covered. The venue has long been a popular spot for fans of all different codes.

Complementing this pleasant picture of good times and good brews is an epic Australiana-themed menu, taking everything there is to love about your typical pub and kicking it into overdrive. If you’ve ever experienced a sincere yearning to eat a national emblem, you’re in luck –  delicacies include the chermoula-marinated kangaroo loin, the wallaby gnocchi ragu and even crocodile sausage rolls. Pleasingly, it’s not your run-of-the-mill stuff – they deliver strongly with each dish, essentially rewarding diners for their curiosity.

Not only that, but the portions undoubtedly contribute to the overall dining experience. A word of advice: be prepared to dig in. While their parma is arguably a contender for the best in Melbourne, it’s almost certainly one of the biggest – as it goes with the rest of the mains, each an indulgent and flavourful undertaking in the best way. Of course, their generosity inevitably results in the best kind of problem for any diner – that is, whether or not to attempt dessert, acknowledging the risk of an Mr. Creosote-esque catastrophe. However, between the trio of chocolate (a chocolate brownie with white chocolate sauce, complete with Tim Tam crumb) and the mouthwatering Belgian waffle, you’re going to want to somehow leave some room.

Formally The Portland Hotel, The Crafty Squire is the result of a major makeover; a hugely successful makeover at that, with the venue now bigger and better than ever. Think of it as your classic, beloved local pub, only taken to the next level. Just a short walk from the Melbourne Town Hall and The Victoria Hotel makes The Crafty Squire an ideal destination and dining option this Comedy Festival season.