If your star sign was a Melbourne hotspot, this is what it would be

If your star sign was a Melbourne hotspot, this is what it would be

Queen Vic Market, image by Mitchell Luo
Words by Charisa Bossinakis

The stars align.

In recent years, there’s been an astrology renaissance in Melbourne. Whether it be the surge in available horoscope apps or an ice breaker at a dinner party, zodiac signs are everywhere. And with NASA’s discovery of the star sign Ophiuchus – the new snake bearer sign, placed between Scorpio and Sagittarius – it has shifted the dates of every other star sign, sending shockwaves through the astrology-lover community.

As we all rummage to find out whether our star sign has changed and what that might mean for us, we’ve connected all your household star signs with some of Melbourne’s most popular places; because we’re all after some bubbly content.

Aries – Makoto Sushi Train

You’re impulsive my friend, you have no patience to dine in and enjoy a six-course meal, you move at a quicker pace than that as you’ve mastered ‘the roll and run’ technique. What is ‘the roll and run’ I heard someone in the back cry? It’s when all you want is a conveyor belt to transport your sushi directly to you, so you can grab your California roll and run. Menus are for the weak! This sushi train venue perfectly suits your fast-paced go-getter energy. Dine-in? Ha! We’ll take it to go.

Taurus – Chappelli’s

Known for your dependability. People can rely on you and turn to you when we’re at our most vulnerable – which is usually when we’re roaming Chapel Street, separated from the pack and Maccas is closed. Sometimes all we need to be comforted is to sit in one of your booths, scoff down a cheesecake at 2am and feel safe in your arms.

Gemini – The Carlton Club

Like Geminis, The Carlton Club is extremely versatile – you’re the Jekyll and Hide of Melbourne CBD hubs as every room is vastly different from the one before. You’re a chameleon and jack-of-all-trades – sometimes you’re an R&B dance club, a swanky cocktail bar, even a Melbourne International Comedy Festival venue occasionally. Your ever-changing brand runs almost parallel to a pop star trying to revamp their sexual image, as a means of distancing themselves from their old Disney Channel show.

Cancer – Jungle Boy

Initially, you’re closed off and often misunderstood which can sometimes lead others into thinking that you’re just a Boston Sub sandwich shop. Little did we know with a few more trips, the more poutine we ordered, the more you’d open up to us and behind that sealed shut refrigerator door of yours, lied the real you – a secret tropical bar featuring rum cocktails served in tiki mugs.

Leo – Sircuit

You are passionate and brave. You are always bursting with exuberant amounts of energy and are inclusive and celebratory of what makes those around you beautiful. Your flair, electricity and exhilaration are the perfect match for this beloved Fitzroy bar.

Virgo – Terra Madre

Even though we dread when you offer to make dessert (as usual, it’s a tasteless chia seed pudding) and you’re the most likely to get sucked into an energy-boosting vitamins pyramid-scheme, your commitment to a better lifestyle is inspiring. Your passion for nutrition aligns with this wholefood grocer that offers quality organic produce, you’re a Melbourne staple for health and wellbeing.

Libra – Natskin

This Ringwood North spa retreat embodies everything a libra loves – self-care, indulgence and essential oils. Like Madonna, your deepest desire is to preserve your beauty, even if it means clinging onto your youth with your freakishly-toned hot yoga arms. You take more of a holistic approach to health and beauty. Not only does it allow you a break from saying, “I wanna hear all sides of the story”, but as the peacemaker of the group, it allows an opportunity for you to pour that love back into yourself as well.

Scorpio – Bodhi & Ride

You’re extremely driven and known for your intense energy. Honestly, we wouldn’t be surprised if we found a series of Tony Robbins quotes on your Instagram post-breakup or even catch you sprinting on a treadmill with no headphones. Your motto might as well be, “We don’t spin, we ride”. You want your body and mind to be challenged unexpectedly, which make this luxurious ride studio the perfect counterpart to this zodiac sign.

Sagittarius – The NGV

The NGV highlights this zodiac sign’s affinity for art – you’re the type of cultured person who can pull off vintage cowgirl boots and we hate you for it. The NGV has the power to transport us to another place through its groundbreaking exhibitions. Being reminded of different cultures and philosophies is deeply appreciated by a Sagittarius as they yearn to travel.

Capricorn – Eureka Tower

Like this iconic gold-plated skyscraper located in the Southbank precinct, Capricorns are all about structure and order. You are the one in the group who’s always organising the social events as you are not a ‘go with the flow’ type. Your idea of living life on the edge is not Googling the menu before choosing the restaurant. You are highly ambitious and are constantly reaching for the sky.

Aquarius – Queen Vic Market

People are drawn to your approachable and generous nature, you can never say no. That’s how you agreed to cover the Uber and start a food truck business with your weird second cousin. Like Queen Vic Market, you offer everything, even speciality items. Do you have double-smoked ham off the bone? Of course! This blue cheese I once had on the steps of the Berlin Central Train Station? You betcha! A Siamese ferret? I mean, I can look into it! You are all things to all people.

Pisces – Humming Puppy Yoga

You’re Hunky Dory, cause fish yeah? No just kidding, we’re professionals at this. You’re Humming Puppy Yoga Studio. You have a strong sense of intuition and your gut reactions are often spot on. The serene atmosphere and pastel interior channel your love for restoration, especially if it’s accompanied by the sound of a pacifying hum.

Keen on another fun read? Check out our list on the Melbourne record stores you can support during lockdown.

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