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Beat Magazine Joined: 9th December 2010
Last seen: 5th June 2012

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Q&A: The Nearly Brothers

What’s your name then? Oh. And the name of your band…

My name is Mark Snarski and the name of the band is The Nearly Brothers.


And what do you do?

I’m an exotic dancer and a porn scriptwriter.


When did you start doing that?

When Kung Fu Secret Agent dancing first took off in the late '90s in Madrid and I was the one that invented the steps.


Why did you start doing that? 

Just got sick of hearing about Sting’s sex life and thought there’s got to be more.


Do you think you’re good at doing that?

I’m really good at what I do. I would say excellent.


If you weren’t doing that, what would you be doing?

A Marine Biologist.


What makes you happiest about what you’re doing?

I get to rub coconut oil on the actresses.


And what makes you unhappiest about what you’re doing? 

Sometimes I have to rub coconut oil on the actors.


What’s you proudest moment of doing what you do?

There was a movie that we made called Dream Of The Blue Veiner and I approached Sting to do the soundtrack. It’s kind of a tribute to Open Water but there’s no talk about whose turn it is to do the dishes or if the sharks are good or bad. It’s amazing what you can do with flippers, a snorkel and bubbles.


And your least proud?

Okay. When we approached Sting about Dream Of The Blue Veiner I told him of my many duties on set. As he was lounging around by the pool at his Tuscany estate in his speedos his eyes lit up with the mention of coconut oil. But it got worse. He started playing his 16th century lute.


When are you doing your thing next?

I’m currently working on a movie in Australia with one of the most promising actors I’ve met for a long time called Mr Special. It’s called The Bush Ranger.


THE NEARLY BROTHERS (Mark Snarksi, Mick Harvey and Martyn Casey) play the Oakleigh Caravan Club this Friday April 13.