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Toby McCasker's picture
Toby McCasker Joined: 9th December 2010
Last seen: 29th January 2012

Metalocalypse - January 18, 2012

Toby McCasker's picture
Toby McCasker Joined: 9th December 2010
Last seen: 29th January 2012


So yeah, how ‘bout that Stone Temple Pilots tour coming up in 2010? Awesome, huh. Can’t wait. Please excuse the anachronistic strangeness of [the print edition of] last week’s column, there seems to have been an error in transmission during the page’s final construction at Beat HQ. We apologise for the fault in Metalocalypse. Those responsible have been sacked. We apologise again for the fault in Metalocalypse. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked. The designers at Beat hired to continue designing Metalocalypse after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. Metalocalypse has been completed in entirely the same style at no expense and at the last minute.



Coupla months back, The Crown announced that hoarse throat Johan Lindstrand had come back to the band. Wicked, good stuff. Now Lindstrand has had a few things to say about the band’s most recent rehearsal, and if you’re a Crown man, you should erectifying about now:” We played [for the first time] the new song Headhunter as a full band, and it really felt great to hear everything such as vocals and leads for the first time. The song was already impressive as an instrumental demo track, but now all the pieces fell in place and made what easily could be a great opener of the next album. Time will tell. To finish up the rehearsal, we messed around with another new song written by Magnus [Olsfelt, The Crown bassist], a great intense track which takes you back to the good old days. I fucked up some lyric lines on this one as well. Better next time I guess.”

In summary, The Crown have five to six new songs on the go. Fark yer.



Following up their recent signing to Century Media, Swedish black metallers Marduk aren’t mucking about. They’re currently holed up in the studio to put together a follow-up to 2009’s Wormwood, tentatively expected for release later this year. There’s a few studio “impressions” over at the band’s FB, too: facebook.com/Mardukofficial



Despite his current battle with lymphoma, Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi has posted the following message both in praise of everyone who’s shown their support and in reaffirmation of the new Sabbath record:

“My fans, friends and colleagues - I just want to say how overwhelmed I am with all your messages of support, thank you so much. Well it's not what I wanted for Christmas, that's for sure, but now I can't wait for the test results to come in and get going with the treatment. It's really good that the guys are coming over so that we can continue working on the album as things are going great in the studio. Well, not much else to say at this time, so thanks again.”



Oh no, Dragonforce have pulled out of this year’s Soundwave festival. Why? Drunk, probably. Stepping in to fill the sizeable gap left by the world’s fastest band (is it still them? It was Children Of Bodom at one point) will be Paradise Lost (yay) and Switchfoot (boo). Not a massive loss, really, seeing as that lineup is still the best thing since neatly divided bread.



Excuse me. I just heard Attack Attack!’s new track The Wretched. I feel a bit ill. “I put my life on the line for you, so why did you say goodbye?” opines vocalist Caleb Shomo at one point. Maybe ‘cause his band is a joke that actually makes your breath smell like a shit when you tell it.



“Not that I'm aware of right now. We keep in touch, we're still friends. I had a great time doing the reunion shows in 2008-2009. I don't really know what the future holds. I'm very busy with Arch Enemy and other stuff as well. Jeff [Walker, Carcass vox/bass] plays in a band called Brujeria and I think he's just doing that. I'm not too sure. But like I said, you'll never know when we might get back together to do something. It's still possible.”

- Arch Enemy (pictured) guitarist Michael Amott when quizzed on whether or not we can expect a new Carcass record.



To the fool who wrote about the Stone Temple Pilots tour,

What a waste of space that was, whining about a band and putting up tour dates a year too late. Maybe do some research before you go whinging about "another contrived and relentless grunge reformation", as im sure its probably alot better than the other crap you have posted on there. Hope you use Google a bit more for your research, its only a few clicks away and will save you the embarrassment of another wrong tour.


Xo Lorelle


Any drooling mongoloid with half a functioning cerebrum could probably work out that that was a design mistake. Take your menopause out on someone else, Bertha.