Metalocalypse - January 11, 2012
Towards the end of last year I remember bearing witness to the unenviable collapse of one of scenecore's many permutations at The Devil Wears Prada's Aussie tour (don't ask, please don't). I mean, We Came As Romans only started doing the do in 2008 and they sounded like dinosaurs. No-one gave a crap. TDWP mostly hawked stuff off of their Zombie EP, which is the heaviest shiz they've ever come up with and 50% less fruity than their usual buffet of God-bothering riffage. Telling or what? Meanwhile, radio will never get tired of spinning Paranoid. Write for the times and you're at their mercy, it seems. Oh sure, you'll get laid by most of isanyoneup.com, but then you're back on the dole with the rest of us. Keep it real.
WEILAND TO RETURN TO VELVET REVOLVER
Gurk, Velvet Revolver. Been away for a while, haven't they? Welp, they're coming back. Hooray. A reunion show has been slated for January 12th at the House Of Blues in Los Angeles. Yep, with Scott Weiland doing the snake-shimmy on vox and everything. But is his return final? Also possibly yes, according to guitarist Dave Kushner: "We haven't played together in four years, and so we're really just like, 'Let's see how this goes'… I know everyone's got other commitments, but I think everyone's like, 'Let's get this thing done and get through this and then we'll see.'"
Due to roll right over Melbs on March 11 from the Hi-Fi Bar, the Moshphere fest is looking mighty fine indeedles. Headlined by Swiss metallersSybreed, there are some hefty homegrown bands from all over the country whizzing in to play this one. Homegrown djent machine Circles will be in attendance, as will Sydney's most well-dressed black metal businessmen Anno Domini (saw them at Bastardfest, they're hell good). Alice Through The Windshield Glass will no doubt go home with the day's Best Band Name Ever award, whilst House of Thumbs shalt bringeth the nutty-metal in such a way that you will do a cum. Tickets from moshtix.com.au.
ME FIRST AND THE NECROCOMICCON
Necrocomiccon are like the black metal equivalent to Fat Mike's punk makeover show Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, ie. They pick unlikely candidates with which to tar with their kvlt brush. Head on over to necrocomiccon.bandcamp.com and be amused for minutes. Even Lionel Richie cops a heathen swat to the chops, sharing cover art space with Venom. Oh ho ho.
OBSCURA COVER DEATH
Shit yeah. Not sure why more bands don't cover the legendary Death in one capacity or another. Possibly because they all wanna hit stuff off of The Sound Of Perseverance and Richard Christie's drumming on that record is the work of a curiously talented drunkard. Obscura aren't scared, though. No way. The German tech-metallers have done well with their take on Flesh And The Power it Holds. YouTube that noise. Gawrsh.
METALLICA ARE ACTUALLY MAKING THAT 3D MOVIE
In October, it was just a rumour and we all laughed heartily at the thought of something so preposterous. Turns out it's really going to happen, though. From Metallica's website:
"We're here to tell you that, yes, there is indeed a 3D project in the very early stages of production! We wish we could tell you more right now, but we don't have all the finer points nailed down just yet. What we can tell you is that we are planning on being in a theatre near you sometime in 2013."
N**** GOT LIQUID VAGINA FLOWIN THROUGH HIS VEINS. IM GONNA SLAP THE GARNIER FRUCTIS OUT THAT NIGGA. YOU HIT THAT N**** YOU GON HEAR GLASS BREAKING. N***** IS SOFTE THAN PAPER PANTIES NAHMEAN???
Now 2012 may really begin.