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Toby McCasker Joined: 9th December 2010
Last seen: 29th January 2012

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Metalocalypse

RAWR!


So you're a huge US band and you've been tapped to do a cover story for a certain glossy music mag in Australia. You can't be fucked, because you're a huge US band and, pffft, Australia, right? Fuck Australia. Who cares, it's tiny and full of jailbirds with no money to buy merch when you tour anyway - correct? You dog your interview two times. The second time, you're even at a club and you hang up. Third time's a dodgy charm and when you're finally forced onto the phone you're stoned and watching movies and answering questions with such scintillating insight as, "Yeah, totally." Believe it or not, this shit happens. The idea of behaving this way is inconceivable to every struggling local band guy or girl currently reading this, and yet, there it is. Doesn't matter how high your throne is in this game, it's always going to be made out of kindling and everything around it is a fire just waiting for a sparky little ego to make it go boom.

 

 

NEVERMORE: WHAT HAPPENED?


Ever since epic drummer Van Williams and integral guitarist Jeff Loomis were booted from Nevermore, you, me, and that guy have been wanting to know just what the fuck went down. Furthermore, would the band be continuing? The answer to the latter is yes, announced vocalist Warrel Dane via his Twitter: "Nevermore is not dead! Sanctuary is just the focus now and oh holy shit when you hear you will know why." He also went on to give a lengthy interview to ProgPower USA. Here's where it gets a bit telling: "Nevermore, the greatest band that alcohol ever ruined… those guys [Loomis? Williams?] decided that they didn't have as bad of an alcohol problem as I did." That old chestnut, huh. Somehow, I thought a band like Nevermore might be exempt from the bottled trappings of rockstardom, despite their reputation for sinking dangerous quantities of piss. Ho-hum.

 

DYSRHYTHMIA!


Man, I can't tell you how much I dig the bass player in Dysrhythmia. Sick tone, bitches. He totally makes up for all those other mentalists this week. Hear the beast when ya'll PooTube 'Dysrhythmia | NYC @ Silent Barn | 20 May 2011.' That's two brand new songs they're cranking out, by the way. You're welcome, welcome, garn then.

 

SOILWORK GUITAROO'S NEW BAND


Soilwork axeman Ola Frennig has a new band called Fifty Grand Suicide. Hit up myspace.com/fiftygrandsuicide to check out their first effort Steadfast. Hum, not sure if want. It's a bit like Soilwork with a crapper singer, really. At least it's better than that One Way Mirror thing Dirk Verbeuren did with the guy from Mnemic.


OUTTA CONTROL BASSISTS


Must be something in the low-end air this season. First,Coheed and Cambria bass player Michael Todd holds up a pharmacy with an imagined bomb threat on his mobile phone just moments before his band were due to support Soundgarden (he was swiftly arrested and kicked off the tour, and he didn't even get to keep his ill-gotten oxycontin), but former Queens of the Stone Age and Kyuss man Nick Oliveri went one better last week. The frequently naked rocker and his missus engaged in such a messy domestic that a S.W.A.T. team was actually called in. Oliveri subsequently barricaded the both of them inside their duplex apartment, holding her hostage for two hours before letting her go. Another two hours later, he gave himself up. Police subsequently found a "high-powered rifle" in his home, but amazingly Oliveri was only charged with felony domestic violence and released on $100,000 bail.

 

DUALISTIC TEXTURES


Shit yeah. Textures are back, baby. When tremendous former vocalist Eric Kalsbeek quit the fold, I thought it was all over for the Dutchmen. I mean, that guy was unassailable. Check out his range on Messengers off of 20 's Silhouettes, just maniacal. Pleasingly I was wrong, and this here is the cover art for their new record with new vocalist, Daniël de Jongh.


OBSCURA LOSES BOTTOM


It's one of those Crazy Bassist weeks. Happens sometimes. While he didn't hold up a drug store for hillbilly heroin or tackle an entire S.W.A.T. team, Obscura bass player Paul Thesseling is now a former member of the German tech-metal racket. "Due to repetitive conflicting schedules with job related obligations I have decided to depart Obscura. Beside the limited availability that kept me away from touring during the last months, I feel like taking new directions in my musical development," he said. What are these conflicting schedules, you might ask? Thesseling also rips it up in Pestilence, so head there for his mad fretless fandangling. FRETLESS, you say? I see…

 

METALVISION


Is this your brain on drugs, or is it simply a 1:01 minute teaser for Mastodon's new record, The Hunter? YouLube 'Mastodon - The Hunter (The Official Trailer)' and trip gigantic prog-metal testes.

 

FEEDBACK


Hey Toby Born of Osiris track 3 1:41 - do you reckon that's a xylophone?

 

  • Hugh

     

FUCK that is a good song. sounds more like POWERPHONE to me, Hugh. PS. Asked the band's Facebook wall, still waiting on reply. Any day now. Probably not.

 

~tobes