Metalocalypse

RAWR!

Being liked is easy: Say and do things that please other people. I'd never begrudge anyone for wanting to be popular because, hey, free drinks sometimes, but that kind of bland pandering - blandering - does not a good objective force make. Sometimes, shit is shit. Real humans gotta call it like it is. Riddle me this: If you sucked total ass at something, wouldn't you want to know? You'd want to know so you can get better. Your mates aren't going to tell you, and when your head's in the game you've got no room for impartial critique. You need that action. You ought to crave it. Do you really want to be in the same fucking place doing the same fucking low-level shit after ten years of going hard? No, you don't. You want dapper waiters swanning around your penthouse with silver trays of trouble-dust and big titties/veiny shlongs in your face.
~tobes

MAN'S THROAT IS PULLED OUT AT GODSMACK CONCERT

At a Godsmack show in Iowa last week, 33-year-old Darrell Abbott got so rowdy up front that he started pushing fellow moshbro Bradley Kluesner before yanking out his tracheotomy tube in a fit of mounting rage (possibly at having to see Godsmack live). Kluesner was rushed to hospital and Abbott has been charged with assault with bodily injury, public intoxication, and interference with police.

KILLSWITCH ENGAGE WRITING MODE

"YO! It's Adam D! We're about to begin writing our new record. Thanks to all of our fans for waiting so friggin' patiently...now let's turn on the 'riff faucet' and RAGE!"

You heard the man. It's all happening. Guess they've resolved all that weirdness with vocalist Howard Jones that went down last year. Anyone know the whole story there? Last time I heard some porn star was getting menstrual at him 'cos she claimed he knocked her up. As you would, if you were Howard Jones.

THE HUMAN ABSTRACT LOSE ANOTHER MEMBER

Again. What is it with these guys? Their line-up is always so volatile. This time it's singer Travis Richter who's flown the coop, which kinda sucks seeing as he's awesome. He'll probably move right next door to I Set My Friends On Fire's lock-up and keep on keeping on just like THB's old guitarist Andrew Tapley did. Tres lol. Ryan Devlin is filling in on the mic for the moment.

BRUTAL STREAM

It's either a case of the clap or it's Brutal Truth's latest track, and thankfully this it's the latter. Their latest dose of urethral punishment, End Time, is due out on September 27^th, but eerily enough you can stumble over to sickdrummermagazine.com and check out Echo Friendly Discharge in the meantime.

CRADLE'S BABY ALBUM

tonishing press whores. As soon as they have something out, bam: Dani Filth is in every fucking magazine in the universe sitting on a throne grinning into a chalice and talking about the same crap he did the last time they dropped a record. They're not going away this year, though, and on October 17they'll be releasing Evermore Darkly… The mini-LP will feature a new song called Thank Your Lucky Stars, a remix of Forgive Me Father (knocked up by Anthrax's Rob Caggian, actually, so that could be kinda cool), an extended take on Lilith Immaculate, and three demos lifted from the Darkly, Darkly Versus Avena sessions. Closing up the Cradle'll tease you with a bit of their upcoming orchestral project with a highly strung version of Summer Dying Feast.

DANI FILTH'S NEW BAND

Speaking of Dani Filth, he's in a new band. It's called Temple of the Black Moon.

"Me is singing, Rob Caggian on guitar, King on base and John Tempesta on drums. It's basically four people, it's really different. If you imagined The Cult meets Cradle of Filth meets Anthrax meets Gorgoroth. So thats pretty much what's like. It's very unique. Expect something very different than Cradle of Filth. It's more commercial. It's hard to discribe it. It's like a marriage of all those bands. It really has some classic riffs in it. It's very Heavy Metal. We've written ten or eleven tracks. We gonna right a few more and head in the studio before."

STAMP YA HAND

Portly gothic women. That's right, this Saturday you're off to DV8 to catch Medusa rip arse along with The Superguns and 180 Proof. Oh shit it, what do you care who's playing? You're there to imbibe harsh nectar and tap gleaming white ass. Doors at 10pm, $15 to make it through or $12 if you've wound up on the guest list for being handsome.

METALVISION

Wanna see what former Nevermore string-beater Jeff Loomis has been up to with his new all-star project featuring maniacal Soilwork drumski, Dirk Verbeuren? Of course you do, because it sounds rad. Chuck 'Jeff Loomis interview at Fastback Studios' into YouTube and bask in his easy-going glow.