Jessica Simpson's 'Happy Christmas' is like a disgustingly sweet lollipop that never wanes

Not your best Jess.

Happy Christmas is exactly what one should expect from a Jessica Simpson Christmas album: an earnest, saccharine sweet, generic pop offering for the holiday season, with a little ol’ fashioned country twinge.

Credit where it’s due, Simpson really can sing, and broadly speaking, the album is perfectly fine, albeit cheesy (though isn’t that what Christmas is all about?). The standard fare of children’s choirs, a Lennon cover, and breathy vocals are paired alongside a few surprises, like a saucy duet with Willie Nelson, that features an electric guitar solo, and the aforementioned country flair. And though the cringe factor is high, it’s all relatively reasonable in the name of festive cheer. 

But nothing can excuse the shocking misfire that is ‘My Only Wish’. 

The lead single and opening track of the album reads like a bad parody of Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. It’s as though she copied and pasted the iconic lyrics from Wikipedia, cracked out Thesaurus.com, and set about changing around the words just enough that it could pass as a different song. And though the songs share a shockingly similar DNA, Simpson’s attempt at a Christmas classic is devoid of any December magic.