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TL;DR This Week In Cinema: Get Out And Some Other Junk

Welcome to Beat’s weekly rundown of what’s hot in the coming seven days of cinematic releases. I feel like a kid in a candy store, albeit one who’s extremely picky and habitually spreads his opinions on other people’s choice of snack.

The only thing I’ve omitted this week is the latest piece of Pure Flix trash, and I feel zero per cent shame. Brainwashing ain’t my bag, folks.

 

Well, except for when it’s used to terrify, as in…

 

 

GET OUT

 

 

RT: 99%

 

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. This is the most exciting release of the year so far, as it’s proven that Jordan Peele, already one of the strongest voices on the comedy scene, can apply his love for genre to powerful, original, long-form content.

 

Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) is about to embark on a nerve-wracking trip to meet his girlfriend Rose’s (Alison Williams) family. He wonders if the colour of his skin will be a problem for them. But when he and Rose arrive at the family’s estate, there’s greater cause for concern – particularly considering how strangely the few other black people Chris meets are acting…

 

A) Horror comedy is the best. B) Allegorical horror is also the best. C) Jordan Peele is the bomb. D) This cast is UNBELIEVABLE. Catherine KeenerBradley WhitfordLaketh Stanfield, aka Snoop from Straight Outta Compton and the future L in (the otherwise whitewashed and potentially awful) Death Note? Hear further rantings on the next episode of Nothing 2 Fear!

 

tl;dr 

 

 

 

EMO: THE MUSICAL

 

 

Turns it out wasn’t just a generational phenomenon – here’s a whole new flock of millennials signing up to join the Black Parade. Raise your eyeliner sticks for these new found glories; this brand new collection of drunks, lovers, sinners & saints as they embark on a mission to escape the fate and take back Sunday for Jimmy Eat World. Here’s hoping the hero won’t drown!

 

Ok, so it’s basically Glee feat. depression, but the general melodramatic tone will either make it or break it. Have they written sins, not tragedies? Will this be a rallying point for sadbois everywhere? Or a goof only appealing to those who’ve outgrown their GHD?

 

To its credit, it’s certainly made me go back through some defining VEVOs from my own adolescence, with a little new perspective. And it’s Australian, even if this could be anywhere in the world. If this rocks, it’ll be the story of the year.

 

tl;dr Gerard said it best:

 

 

 

A DOG'S PURPOSE

 

 

RT: 32%

 

Fuuuuuuuck the moment this trailer started I hated it and myself and everything else in existence. It’s hard not be cynical when a trailer so readily trots out the whole plot of Marley & Me just to get you on board for two hours of Hallmark-grade garbage, in which one dog reincarnates as all dogs.

 

I’m a double dog-owner and a big ol’ fan of teh doggos, but even I cannot abide this Starbucks level of saccharine schmaltz. It’s also bizarre that a film so sickly sweet could want to repeatedly expose you to doggy death and awful voiceover from a director (Lasse Hallstrom hehehe his name’s Lasse think about it) who made the excellent What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? and yet can’t even be arsed to get a woman in to voice the female dogs and Dennis Quaid is here and WAIT HANG ON DENNIS QUAID WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

 

Here’s a better idea – if you’re that much of a dog fan, forget this movie. Head down to the pound, pick up a pooch in need of love, and invest in the little bastard. Making such openly manipulative dreck makes these douchebags far greater cynics than myself. Go to hell, Hallstrom.

 

tl;dr The role of best cinematic doggo is TAKEN, SIR.

 

 

 

THE ZOOKEEPER'S WIFE

 

 

RT: 58%

 

Jessica Chastain stars in ANOTHER WW2 MOVIE WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION RIGHT NOW. Mention Syria right now and you’re “ruining the family barbecue”, but chuck on a Holocaust movie and everything’s gravy. But hey, it’s not just cinema that’s facing this problem.

 

It’s getting to the point now where these films are even recycling their Nazis, with Daniel Brühl reprising his role from Alone In Berlin. Add to that the strange new trope of using Jónsi’s music for zoo movies (or at least their trailers), and you have a wildly unoriginal film about an inspiring true story.

 

The conversation around The Zookeeper’s Wife is perhaps more engaging, particularly when the reviewers claiming the film’s ‘feminist‘ credentials fail to understand the actual tenets of feminism. A story about a woman is not inherently feminist (see: God’s Not Dead 2); especially not when even the film’s title can’t pass the damn Bechdel test.

 

tl;dr Pictured: me as a critic.

 

 

 

PORK PIE

 

 

Aww hick yus, this looks choice as, bro! Matt Murphy‘s remake of 1981 NZ road movie Goodbye Pork Pie brings James Rolleston (from Boy!) and Dean O’Gorman together with Ashleigh Cummings on a wild run across New Zealand in a stolen yellow Mini.

 

The original, made by Murphy’s father Geoff, was the first truly financially successful New Zealand film in modern times. Without it, we arguably wouldn’t have Peter Jackson, Lee Tamahori, or Taika Waititi to try and pass off as Australians.

 

The reviews have been passable, so don’t go in expecting Hunt For The Wilderpeople – this is just a big, fun romp stuffed full of the world’s best accent.

 

tl;dr Goddammit I’m psyched for Ragnarok.

 

 

 

And now for THE VERDICT – maybe you only get to see one of these flicks on the big screen, and you don’t wanna waste that night out. So, drum roll please…

 

 

 

NO CONTEST.

 

 

Until next week!