Sam Newman wants to run for Lord Mayor of Melbourne and god help us all

So. Much. No. 

Controversial media figure and AFL retiree Sam Newman announces that he is contemplating running for Robert Doyle's recently vacated position. 

Provocative has been a key word in describing Sam Newman, and true to form, the Footy Show host and retired Geelong Cats player has caused quite a stir after announcing to Newscorp that he is considering running for Lord Mayor of Melbourne.

Lord Mayor Robert Doyle was forced to step down last week after sexual misconduct allegations, leaving the position vacant for just about anybody, it seems, to throw their hat in the ring.

Although Mr Newman has no previous history in political affairs, (aside from the personal opinions he regularly broadcasts through his various positions within the Australian media), President Trump's 2016 election proves that as long as you're a wealthy, outspoken, white male with a nose for offending minorities and a self-righteous following, you're qualified to sit in a position of political power and decision making.

“We get bogged down with delusional psychotic anarchists who push all sorts of agendas because they have a point to plead and usually the general interest of the community is thrown under the bus,” Mr Newman reportedly told the Herald Sun. 

Mr Newman also highlighted to the Herald that if he was to run, his key election policies would include getting rid of homelessness and graffiti in the CBD, and fighting against minority group agendas. (Goddamn those pesky minorities for fighting to have their underrepresented voices heard in a society built on plutocracy.)