As we begin to converse it becomes apparent that Obama had just been announced the victor of the 2012 US election. This stirs a thought – if through a bizarre yet strangely believable series of events, what would Brand do if given global power? “We put all resources back into one centralised global government body and make sure that all resources reach the people that need them most,” he notes carefully. “We use the existing global technology to ensure that everyone has access to the internet and television. We implement an electronic democracy where everyone can vote on relevant issues to their principality. The use of fossil fuels becomes immediately banned. The continuing harvest of rainforests is immediately banned. Vegetarianism becomes immediately mandatory. The working week is redefined as no more than 20 hours and all religion, national creed and money is banned.”
Scrolling through Brand’s seemingly endless Facebook fans, I quiz him on his perceptions on the sometimes inane, loving and the disturbing comments that he can now receive from fans due to the expansion of social media. “I’m never really creeped out over that sort of stuff. I try to see it as always being done with good intentions,” he remarks humbly. “I’m never really worried – there’s never been anything that has made me too worried. If someone knows a lot of details about your life then it’s quite flattering really. The whole phenomena of being well known is peculiar. My mind isn’t charged by negativity, however.”
Returning to Australia for his first ever national tour, Brand expresses that he feels a great sense of adoration for our country. “One of the reasons I’m coming to Australia is [to do] sexual missionary work,” he laughs playfully. “I find it to be a very exciting, positive and optimistic place to be. I think it’s got all of the best aspects of English and American culture. It’s got the ‘yeah, you can do what you like’ aspect of America and the comedic sensitivity of English culture. It’s a fantastic country. Everyone seems to be very good looking, the food seems to taste good, people are healthy. So much of it is uninhabited and unexplored. I’m really looking forward to getting out and visiting some of the nature and Indigenous culture. I love your country.”
Entitled I Am A Walrus, even Brand seems to have difficulty succinctly describing his current show. “It’s about the build up of when I performed at the Olympics,” he details. “It’s condensed into a couple of weeks before I performed and a couple of minutes before I performed and all of the things that went on. This entails celebrity death rumours, the nature of sexuality, was the Olympics a secret satanic ritual run by an Illuminati sect. There’s stories of my trousers being torn, wanting to shout out crazy stuff to the Queen, meeting the Dalai Lama. It’s a very broad and all-encompassing show.”
As our time comes to an end, we remark on the peculiarity that in all likelihood our paths will never cross again. From this comes quite a tangent, as Brand quizzes me on how I’d like to leave this world. As the interviewer and not the interviewee, I stumble, and turn the question around. If Brand could write his own eulogy, what on Earth would be say? “This funeral is fake. Russell is fine,” he laughs. “In fact, look over in the trees – that’s him now. Oh Russell put some clothes on for God’s sake.”
BY TYSON WRAY
