Karl Chandler: Some Upcoming Films
2011 is set to be another big, big year for movies, and I’m here to be your guide through all the new blockbuster releases. Get out your credit card, grab a small popcorn and settle in!
Hot on the heels of the four successful Pirates Of The Caribbean movies comes another film licensed from the rides of the Disneyland amusement park. Matthew McConaughey stars in The Teacup Ride, due out in cinemas in June. McConaughey plays the Blue Cup, destined to spin round and round until he meets a female teacup (Anna Faris) who makes him wonder if spinning is all there is in life. And then he gets his shirt off.
Another future classic Eddie Murphy vehicle hits our screens in July titled The Wacky Family. In this film, not only does Murphy don heavy prosthetics and play all seventeen family members, in one scene he wears a second set of prosthetics over the first set, to play someone disguising himself as Eddie Murphy.
Pixar release a new teen animated movie in August called Insex! It's a coming-of-age flick where Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and Justin Long play teenage praying mantises just wanting to get some action with the ladies without having their heads immediately eaten afterwards. You won't believe the lengths they go to get their rocks OFF while keeping their blocks ON!
We've had vampires, we've had wizards, what's next? Well, the next teenage sensation for next summer is set to be hunchbacks! Justin Bieber plays the cutest teen with a massive deformity going around in HunkBack! By December, every kid in town will be dying to have curvature of the upper back! (This movie also be available in 3D, 4D and 5D.)
As we all know, Twitter is massive. Shit My Dad Says has already been made into a successful television show, so Hollywood has sat up and taken notice. Fox Studios are behind Just Woke Up, adapted from an Ashton Kutcher tweet. Follow Ashton as he wakes up, until he... no, well actually, that's it.
Zach Galifiniakis is so hot right now, and Hollywood is cashing in! In Road Trippy, Galifiniakis stars as a weird, socially awkward guy who's teamed with a normal person (Ben Affleck or whoever) who can't understand his behaviour as they travel somewhere or other. They're one of the original odd couples!
One for the ladies in October with Bridal Bride Ring Wedding Dress Bride starring Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon and Kate Hudson as a bunch of best friends from high school who are racing each other to get down the aisle AND to grab $18 from every woman in the country aged between 17 and 40.
Hollywood is obsessed with adapting TV shows into movies, and now they've moved onto Australian television! Robert Redford plays Ted Bullpitt in the US adaptation of Kingswood Country. Laugh as Redford tells his Italian immigrant son-in-law (Benicio Del Toro) to "put your money on the fridge, wog!" Cheer as the movie finishes and you get to stop watching it.
Sandra Bullock is back (finally!) to tidy up a few unanswered questions in Miss Congeniality 3. Bullock reprises her role as agent Gracie Hart as she goes undercover at a famous dog show to find out which entrants aren't actually registered with the council. Along the way, we once again find out that beneath Gracie's gruff exterior, she has a heart of gold, and now, fleas.
Well that's it for the big movie roundup. Come back next time to find out what changes Adam Sandler is planning for his next movie (none), and news about the prequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
Karl Chandler is a Melbourne comedian who can be found on Twitter (@KarlChandler) and seen at local comedy venues like Softbelly, Spleen, Felix Bar and Uncle Bummy’s Sack Of Chuckles (this one isn’t real).