h

Beat’s guide to the five most outlandish Midsumma Festival events

Definitely NSFW.

The weird and wonderful world of Midsumma Festival is upon us, promoting diversity and inclusivity through a smorgasbord of cabaret, theatre, film, conversations, live music, sport and social events. The LGBTIQ+ festival offers safe spaces for anyone and everyone to come together in a three-week party sprinkled around the city. As always, the program is bursting with just about everything you could imagine, from adult sex-ed classes and consent workshops to drag performances and nude dance clubs. Leave your inhibitions at the door.

ADAM

If your favourite outfit is your birthday suit, consider ADAM your Fashion Week.  Each Monday and Tuesday night during Midsumma 2019, you can spice up your after-work activities with a visit to Melbourne’s number one queer naked bar. Meet a diverse range of colourful characters, play some pool and knock back a few drinks – oh, and everyone will be naked. While ADAM is just for gents, ADAM & EVEryone is an all-gender inclusive, techno nude party worth getting your kit off for.

ADAM is happening at Sircuit Bar, Fitzroy on Mondays and Tuesdays between Monday January 21 and Tuesday February 5 from 6.30pm. $10 entry. Find ADAM & EVEryone at Inflation, CBD on Friday January 18. Tickets are $50.

HR by Bonnie Hart

Intersex human rights activist, artist and filmmaker Bonnie Hart becomes the scientist and the subject in her own sweat-harvesting experiment. Wrapped in cling wrap, Hart will spend three gruesome hours atop an exercise bike as she collects each and every drop of sweat shed in a manner not dissimilar to that in which rabbit tears are induced during cosmetic testing procedures. You may be uncomfortable, you might even learn something, but you should definitely check it out.

HR by Bonnie Hart is happening at Arts House, North Melbourne on Saturday February 2 from 3pm. Free entry.

Pussy Play Masterclass

Burlesque stalwart Strawberry Siren will present a guide to female pleasure with Pussy Play Masterclass. Not only will you fashion your very own Plasticine vagina, Strawberry Siren will teach you all the tricks and techniques you need to know. Whether you’re looking to master some new skills or you need to steer a partner in the right direction, this is the perfect learning experience for singles and couples alike. If lady bits aren’t your cup of tea, head along to Wank Bank Masterclass and get creative with some suggestively shaped vegetables instead.

Pussy Play Masterclass is happening at The Toff in Town, CBD on Friday January 25 and Saturday January 26 from 7.30pm. Tickets are $30. Wank Bank Masterclass will take place afterwards, tickets at $30 or $50 to attend both.

Sodomy

While the modern-day Prahran may be your go-to for brunch or a trip to the markets, the region boasts a pretty grim past. After the British colonised the area, sodomy was rife, newborns were discarded like yesterday’s bread and alcoholism and poverty enveloped the community. Rape and murder ran rampant as the police and courthouse launched a war against the LGBTIQ+ community. Rumour has it that mass orgies ensued. Sodomywill explore Prahran’s gritty history, warts and all, and give you some scarcely known facts to drop in the general direction of anyone who sneers at you for living outside the swanky inner-city suburb.

Sodomy is taking place at Prahran Mechanics’ Institute Victorian History Library, Prahran on Thursday February 7 from 7pm. Entry is free though you'll have to register to attend.

All The Drugs I’ve Taken

Have you ever seen a one-man circus? If not, All The Drugs I’ve Taken is here to change that. The show melds puppetry, clowning, dance and spoken word to unfurl an inter-dimensional journey full of mystery, mayhem and a touch of blasphemy. Your host and tour guide, Lost Boy Circus, will conjure a fever dream that’ll have your mind in a knot. Nobody knows what’s on the other end of this trip, but you can bet it will be a hell of a ride.

All The Drugs I’ve Taken is happening at The Melba Spiegeltent, Collingwood on Thursday January 31 and Friday February 1 from 9.30pm. Tickets are $25.

Midsumma Festival is happening at various venues across Melbourne from Saturday January 19 until Sunday February 10. Head to the Midsumma website  for the full program.