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Nick's picture
Nick Joined: 19th January 2011
Last seen: 31st July 2014

Thor

Nick's picture
Nick Joined: 19th January 2011
Last seen: 31st July 2014
When Thor was first announced, it became immediately obvious that we had run out of superhero comics to transform into movies. Which obscure superhero would be next? Would it be Lady Gaga-Man? The Diplomatic Dishman? Perhaps Al Gore would get a run? As it turns out, Thor’s superpowers, built around his hammer, are actually pretty fucking badass.

Hammer Time. Thor’s hammer combines all the best parts of other famous hammers. It has the power of a judge’s hammer, the ideological influence of the communist hammer, combined with the strength of Nick Riewoldt’s hammer and an inability to be touched not seen since MC Hammer.
 
Thor is the story of the god of thunder: a young, arrogant and hot-headed heir to the throne of the mystical realm of Asgard, who is banished to Earth by his father, Odin, for basically being a dick. Thor is one of the better superhero movies to come out for a while. Whilst it doesn’t have the grit and psychological grasp of The Dark Knight, nor the cool sexiness of Iron Man, nor the complexity and cinematic genius of Catwoman, it is still gripping in its mystery, humour, enthralling special effects and relative lack of cliché employment. The film has a certain charm to it, somewhat courtesy of Thor’s personality including his strange dialogue and quirky behaviour.
 
Directed by Kenneth Branagh, famous for his experience in Shakespeare production, Thor features an impressive cast and executes its intent to entertain and engage successfully. Anthony Hopkins portrays the character of Odin convincingly, possibly due to his vast experience playing an old fucker in films such as Beowulf, Titties Andronicus, Alexander and now Thor. It’s as if studio execs offer any role comprised of an old white ruler to Sir Ian McKellen, to Sir Ian McKellen again, Sir Ian McKellen a third time, Rob Schneider, Sir Ian McKellen once more, until Sir Anthony Hopkins is finally called. Thor himself is one tank of a man. Played by Australian Chris Hemsworth, he embodies the perfect Aussie bloke: blonde, muscled, with an obsession with construction tools. Too bad he’s Norse, or he could’ve been the first epic Aussie fighter since Julian Assange fought the government, Steve Irwin fought peaceful nature, Shaun Micallef fought shit TV and Bert Newton’s son fought his ex-girlfriend.
 
One minor issue with the film, though, is the inconsistency in technology in Asgard. Travelling between realms and building vast golden cities is apparently scientifically and technologically possible, but then why is everybody still riding around in horses? The horses make less sense than the talking horse in Sex And The City. Seriously, this backwardness in technology is worse than people still using chopsticks despite knowledge of the blissful experience that is the fork.
 
Overall, Thor is delightfully fun and establishes its worthy place in the planned Joss Whedon superhero gangbang, The Avengers, featuring Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and The Hulk.
 
TIP: Wait until the end of the credits for some extra footage and to piss off the tired and exploited teenage floor staff of the cinema.

TIP: Wait until the end of the credits for some extra footage and to piss off the tired and exploited teenage floor staff of the cinema.