Channel Ten News: Reviewed

8 Comments. 3,472 Views. Posted 9 Aug 2011 @ 6:06pm.
Ten News was the hipster of Australian news programming. It refused to broadcast at the mainstream 6pm timeslot and proudly claimed to be “First At Five”. However, 7 News, previously the jock of the Australian TV news world, started listening to the same kinds of music as Ten News and decided to become indie too, moving to the 4.30pm timeslot. Ten News was overcome with fury and now threatens to become more indie by moving to 3pm and if challenged will keep moving until eventually it broadcasts yesterday. SBS News, on the contrary, is so worldly that it refuses to report about Australia and... Read More!
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7th Heaven Sucks column, nick taras, arts.
7 Comments. 3,358 Views. Posted 9 Jun 2011 @ 1:19pm.
Nick Taras lost a bet to his Danish friend, who is an avid fan of 7th Heaven, and a major bitch. His punishment was to review the pilot episode of the show. This is the result of his gamble. The very first scene in this “family” show is the father waking up with an erection. I should mention that this erection is never directly shown, but it’s most certainly implied. Erections probably aren’t a... Read More
Fast 5 column, nick taras, arts.
1 Comments. 2,768 Views. Posted 19 May 2011 @ 6:34pm.
Firstly, I’ll admit that I could not remain impartial to review this film. From my entrance into the cinema, I was overcome with nervousness due to my lack of Kappa attire, and my inability to employ the phrase “oh my goddddddd” in every sentence. I did not fit in with this audience. Luckily for me, though, I got to watch The motherfuckin’ Rock act for two hours. For those of you who don’t know... Read More
Thor column, nick taras, arts.
2 Comments. 1,364 Views. Posted 20 Apr 2011 @ 1:02pm.
When Thor was first announced, it became immediately obvious that we had run out of superhero comics to transform into movies. Which obscure superhero would be next? Would it be Lady Gaga-Man? The Diplomatic Dishman? Perhaps Al Gore would get a run? As it turns out, Thor’s superpowers, built around his hammer, are actually pretty fucking badass. Hammer Time. Thor’s hammer combines all the... Read More
Hall Pass column, nick taras, arts.
0 Comments. 1,880 Views. Posted 7 Apr 2011 @ 1:25pm.
What would you do if your wife freed you from the stale shackles of marriage and allowed you to do whatever you wanted for one whole week? This is the premise for the Farrelly Brothers’ Hall Pass. The concept is mischievous and oozes opportunity for brainless humour to thrive. The Farrelly Brothers grasped this opportunity and made an immature dick-sandwich that could only be digested by those... Read More
Red Riding Hood column, nick taras, arts.
0 Comments. 1,673 Views. Posted 7 Apr 2011 @ 12:46pm.
Contrary to popular belief, Red Riding Hood was not based on the classic fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood. Judging by the acting alone, it becomes quite obvious within fifteen minutes of the film that it was actually based on Little Red Riding Hood And Snow White In A Wild Dwarf Gangbang, a classic porno, filled with spoof (pronounced sp-ewf), in which the actors... Read More
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never column, nick taras, arts.
2 Comments. 2,675 Views. Posted 7 Apr 2011 @ 12:40pm.
Watching a movie about Justin Bieber is a lot like having sex with a fat yet confusingly attractive prostitute. You don’t want anyone to know you did it, and in the morning all the cheese in the fridge will be missing, but it won’t cost you much and somehow you’ll enjoy it. And it’s in 3D. However, all it took was one scene, a close-up of Justin Bieber swaying her glistening hair in slow motion,... Read More