Moral Melbourne: Populous Culture

Alright everyone move back a bit, it's getting crowded around here. According to our mate Google, the planet is approaching a population of seven billion human people persons. Seven billion and on...
moral melbourne
Moral Melbourne: Occupy Melbourne Reflection Posted 8 Nov 2011 @ 8:54am 11,356 views 0 comments I wanted to wait until both the metaphorical and literal dust had settled from the Occupy Melbourne protests before bashing out this column. It can be difficult to consider all the implications of a protest while it's at its emotional peak. In New York, where the Occupy brand started, the protests pulse on as many people are getting arrested despite their peaceful stance. In our town, a few dozen...
Moral Melbourne: Facebooking the Facts Posted 31 Oct 2011 @ 1:09pm 10,722 views 2 comments Facebook is pretty much my girlfriend. I spend a lot of time on her. She annoys me with the constant question "what's on your mind?". She reads all my stuff and wants to know what my friends are doing. Now every time I go somewhere she wants me to 'check-in'. Hey I know I agreed to this relationship, but for goodness sake can I please get SOME privacy!? So the question on everyone's status is...
Moral Melbourne: Demerit Pointers Posted 25 Oct 2011 @ 2:27pm 10,107 views 0 comments My longest and best friend in the whole wide world called me up the other day. This was the conversation:  Me: "Hey loser face." Mate: "Sup?" Me: "Nothing, what's going on with you?" Mate: "I've got a favour to ask." Me: "Go." Mate: "You can say no." Me: "That tells me I probably will." Mate: "Well you can make some sweet cash out of it." Me: "What is it...
Tripping Laws Posted 6 Sep 2011 @ 2:38pm 10,390 views 2 comments In writing this column I must be honest about the fact that I have never taken a recreational drug in my life. The closest I've come to a psychedelic trip is the gentle sugar high of red cordial. So from an outsider's perspective I at least have no real bias towards condoning drug use, which is what I'm about to do.   Laws around drugs are intended to protect us, yet they are laden with...
Morality or the Egg Posted 15 Aug 2011 @ 12:54pm 10,151 views 0 comments Nawww doesn't it make you just want to hug a fluffy toy? The cutest little penguin ever washed up on the shores of New Zealand a few months ago and melted the insides of the nation. This poor flightless bird, nicknamed Happy Feet, had no idea where it had turned up. It nommed on sand and rocks by accident, causing serious health risks that needed vet attention. After all the horrific earthquakes...
Love Me, I’m in Makeup Posted 2 Aug 2011 @ 10:12am 4,402 views 8 comments I was a child model and I turned out fine. If you don’t believe me just check my blog, Twitter, Tumblr, 4856 photos on Facebook and Flickr, YouTube channel, MySpace for my rap music, LinkedIn, Foursquare or Instragram. VALIDATE ME! Western culture is all about the self. So it’s hard to be shocked when this mentality trickles down to parents entering their six-year-olds into beauty pageants....
Norway and the Human Mind Posted 26 Jul 2011 @ 7:06pm 3,887 views 0 comments The whole thing is pretty fucked. The political attack on Norway over the weekend is a gut churning reminder of just how monstrous humans can be. After a fatal bomb attack on the government hub in Oslo, Norwegian Anders Behring Breivik infiltrated a political youth party camp on Utaoya to open fire on teenagers. Ninety two dead. Disturbing accounts of this event describe the killer...
Carbon Punishment Posted 12 Jul 2011 @ 1:08pm 4,206 views 3 comments Lucy slams her bedroom door. It’s just not fair. She didn’t clean her room and now her mum is taking money out of her allowance. HER allowance. Lucy can’t be bothered cleaning, it’s easier to play with her dolls when they’re already out. Maybe she could just take some of her brother’s allowance for letting him use her computer. Or maybe she can get out of cleaning because she already did all her...
Super Bugs Posted 5 Jul 2011 @ 2:51pm 4,667 views 7 comments RUN! Giant bacteria just swallowed your car and are now chasing you down the street! This is the end of humanity as we know it! Buildings crumble. Planes fall from the sky. The super bugs are taking over as human blood pours through the streets. DAMN YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE FINISHED YOUR COURSE OF ANTIBIOTICS! NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED! AARARRURGGGGGGG!   Hey, the above is understating the...
Facilitated Masturbation Posted 29 Jun 2011 @ 10:06am 4,553 views 0 comments Psychology is full of wholesome fun. One particular experiment from the University of Virginia asked a group of students some hardcore moral questions. The one that stumped most people was this: Is it immoral to let a dog willingly lick your genitals while you masturbate? Many answered yes, but became morally dumbfounded when asked to explain why.   Let’s imagine you spread a little jam on...
The Moral Butterfly Effect Posted 21 Jun 2011 @ 2:41pm 4,271 views 9 comments You’re having a great day. You’ve just helped an old lady across the road, given money to a busker and now you’re off home to read the latest Moral Melbourne. You're feeling really good about yourself. As you walk back down Johnston Street, you spot someone driving a battered up old Ford Falcon trying to pull out of a parking spot. You see them scrape the shit out of the parked Porsche in front....
Ban Live Christian Lobby Carbon Pollution Posted 16 Jun 2011 @ 9:32am 4,040 views 0 comments There has been a lot to write about this past couple of weeks. First there was the Rip and Roll campaign controversy. The Australian Christian Lobby pressured Adshel, an advertising company, to remove safe sex posters featuring a gay couple from bus stops in Brisbane. Next was the massive ‘Ban Live Exports’ campaign in response to unethical slaughtering practices of Australian livestock in...
Drunk Sex Posted 31 May 2011 @ 3:15pm 6,760 views 5 comments It’s 3am on a Sunday morning at the Gin Palace. You’re smashed. The sexy person you just met and have been making out with for a while is smashed. You both agree to get in a cab, go home and have graceless drunken sex. Awesome. It’s 3am on a Sunday morning at Madam Brussels. You’re smashed. The seemingly sexy person you just met and have been making out with for a while is sober. You ask them for...
Once, Twice, Both Times a Cheater Posted 23 May 2011 @ 2:39pm 5,062 views 15 comments A friend of mine slept with your boyfriend. Twice. Sorry to break it to you, but she did. He was backpacking through Cairns at the time, as you know, so perhaps you should have put out a bit more on Skype. Here's the thing. your boyfriend is clearly a prick because he betrayed your trust with no better intention than to get his penis wet. Where it gets morally dubious for me, however, is the...
SlutWalk Posted 16 May 2011 @ 9:23am 6,980 views 5 comments Your house gets robbed. Police catch the criminal. You're in court and he's about to get his sentence. The judge looks down at the evidence and says: "Well, the fence of your house is shorter than everyone else's in the neighbourhood. So I'll give the defendant a few years off his jail sentence because of the message you were sending." What a ridiculous notion. Well, not too ridiculous for it to...
Osama Bin Laughed At Posted 9 May 2011 @ 11:36am 2,672 views 0 comments It would be remiss of me not to touch on the events of the past week. Osama bin Laden’s death brought with it an eruption of social media attention. Twitter posts and Facebook statuses spewed out comments, reactions and jokes relating to the deceased Al-Qaeda pin-up boy. What I find interesting is how such jokes and quips seemed to unite people on these social media platforms. It doesn’t seem to...
Begging Your Pardon Posted 2 May 2011 @ 11:50am 3,844 views 5 comments I was speaking to Phillip last night. You know Phillip. He’s one of Melbourne’s most active homeless people. Yes, one of those slurring, dishevelled characters imploring you to give them money while you are strolling down the city streets, off to buy a $17 cocktail at some dimly lit bar you read about on your MacBook. Phillip is one of the local beggars. His story, that I have heard develop over...