Moral Melbourne: Populous Culture

0 Comments. 1,080 Views. Posted 16 Nov 2011 @ 11:54am.
Alright everyone move back a bit, it's getting crowded around here. According to our mate Google, the planet is approaching a population of seven billion human people persons. Seven billion and on the rise. That means we're chewing up Earth's resources faster than a hipster cleans out an Op Shop.   Scary. Earth is a sinking ship. The speed of that sinking is the topic of constant debate. It's an important question even for us, those who will die before we drown. How fast we are running out of resources and our ability to compensate will affect our moral decisions in the present.  ... Read More!
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Moral Melbourne: Occupy Melbourne Reflection column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 2,006 Views. Posted 8 Nov 2011 @ 9:54am.
I wanted to wait until both the metaphorical and literal dust had settled from the Occupy Melbourne protests before bashing out this column. It can be difficult to consider all the implications of a protest while it's at its emotional peak. In New York, where the Occupy brand started, the protests pulse on as many people are getting arrested despite their peaceful stance. In our town, a few dozen... Read More
Moral Melbourne: Facebooking the Facts column, moral melbourne, arts.
2 Comments. 1,699 Views. Posted 31 Oct 2011 @ 2:09pm.
Facebook is pretty much my girlfriend. I spend a lot of time on her. She annoys me with the constant question "what's on your mind?". She reads all my stuff and wants to know what my friends are doing. Now every time I go somewhere she wants me to 'check-in'. Hey I know I agreed to this relationship, but for goodness sake can I please get SOME privacy!? So the question on everyone's status is... Read More
Moral Melbourne: Demerit Pointers column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 1,321 Views. Posted 25 Oct 2011 @ 3:27pm.
My longest and best friend in the whole wide world called me up the other day. This was the conversation:  Me: "Hey loser face." Mate: "Sup?" Me: "Nothing, what's going on with you?" Mate: "I've got a favour to ask." Me: "Go." Mate: "You can say no." Me: "That tells me I probably will." Mate: "Well you can make some sweet cash out of it." Me: "What is it... Read More
Tripping Laws column, moral melbourne, arts.
2 Comments. 1,584 Views. Posted 6 Sep 2011 @ 3:38pm.
In writing this column I must be honest about the fact that I have never taken a recreational drug in my life. The closest I've come to a psychedelic trip is the gentle sugar high of red cordial. So from an outsider's perspective I at least have no real bias towards condoning drug use, which is what I'm about to do.   Laws around drugs are intended to protect us, yet they are laden with... Read More
Morality or the Egg column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 1,228 Views. Posted 15 Aug 2011 @ 1:54pm.
Nawww doesn't it make you just want to hug a fluffy toy? The cutest little penguin ever washed up on the shores of New Zealand a few months ago and melted the insides of the nation. This poor flightless bird, nicknamed Happy Feet, had no idea where it had turned up. It nommed on sand and rocks by accident, causing serious health risks that needed vet attention. After all the horrific earthquakes... Read More
Love Me, I’m in Makeup column, moral melbourne, arts.
8 Comments. 2,369 Views. Posted 2 Aug 2011 @ 11:12am.
I was a child model and I turned out fine. If you don’t believe me just check my blog, Twitter, Tumblr, 4856 photos on Facebook and Flickr, YouTube channel, MySpace for my rap music, LinkedIn, Foursquare or Instragram. VALIDATE ME! Western culture is all about the self. So it’s hard to be shocked when this mentality trickles down to parents entering their six-year-olds into beauty pageants.... Read More
Norway and the Human Mind column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 1,917 Views. Posted 26 Jul 2011 @ 8:06pm.
The whole thing is pretty fucked. The political attack on Norway over the weekend is a gut churning reminder of just how monstrous humans can be. After a fatal bomb attack on the government hub in Oslo, Norwegian Anders Behring Breivik infiltrated a political youth party camp on Utaoya to open fire on teenagers. Ninety two dead. Disturbing accounts of this event describe the killer... Read More
Carbon Punishment column, moral melbourne, arts.
3 Comments. 2,401 Views. Posted 12 Jul 2011 @ 2:08pm.
Lucy slams her bedroom door. It’s just not fair. She didn’t clean her room and now her mum is taking money out of her allowance. HER allowance. Lucy can’t be bothered cleaning, it’s easier to play with her dolls when they’re already out. Maybe she could just take some of her brother’s allowance for letting him use her computer. Or maybe she can get out of cleaning because she already did all her... Read More
Super Bugs column, moral melbourne, arts.
7 Comments. 2,503 Views. Posted 5 Jul 2011 @ 3:51pm.
RUN! Giant bacteria just swallowed your car and are now chasing you down the street! This is the end of humanity as we know it! Buildings crumble. Planes fall from the sky. The super bugs are taking over as human blood pours through the streets. DAMN YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE FINISHED YOUR COURSE OF ANTIBIOTICS! NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED! AARARRURGGGGGGG!   Hey, the above is understating the... Read More
Facilitated Masturbation column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 2,577 Views. Posted 29 Jun 2011 @ 11:06am.
Psychology is full of wholesome fun. One particular experiment from the University of Virginia asked a group of students some hardcore moral questions. The one that stumped most people was this: Is it immoral to let a dog willingly lick your genitals while you masturbate? Many answered yes, but became morally dumbfounded when asked to explain why.   Let’s imagine you spread a little jam on... Read More
The Moral Butterfly Effect column, moral melbourne, arts.
9 Comments. 2,395 Views. Posted 21 Jun 2011 @ 3:41pm.
You’re having a great day. You’ve just helped an old lady across the road, given money to a busker and now you’re off home to read the latest Moral Melbourne. You're feeling really good about yourself. As you walk back down Johnston Street, you spot someone driving a battered up old Ford Falcon trying to pull out of a parking spot. You see them scrape the shit out of the parked Porsche in front.... Read More
Ban Live Christian Lobby Carbon Pollution column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 2,417 Views. Posted 16 Jun 2011 @ 10:32am.
There has been a lot to write about this past couple of weeks. First there was the Rip and Roll campaign controversy. The Australian Christian Lobby pressured Adshel, an advertising company, to remove safe sex posters featuring a gay couple from bus stops in Brisbane. Next was the massive ‘Ban Live Exports’ campaign in response to unethical slaughtering practices of Australian livestock in... Read More
Drunk Sex column, moral melbourne, arts.
5 Comments. 4,139 Views. Posted 31 May 2011 @ 4:15pm.
It’s 3am on a Sunday morning at the Gin Palace. You’re smashed. The sexy person you just met and have been making out with for a while is smashed. You both agree to get in a cab, go home and have graceless drunken sex. Awesome. It’s 3am on a Sunday morning at Madam Brussels. You’re smashed. The seemingly sexy person you just met and have been making out with for a while is sober. You ask them for... Read More
Once, Twice, Both Times a Cheater column, moral melbourne, arts.
15 Comments. 3,300 Views. Posted 23 May 2011 @ 3:39pm.
A friend of mine slept with your boyfriend. Twice. Sorry to break it to you, but she did. He was backpacking through Cairns at the time, as you know, so perhaps you should have put out a bit more on Skype. Here's the thing. your boyfriend is clearly a prick because he betrayed your trust with no better intention than to get his penis wet. Where it gets morally dubious for me, however, is the... Read More
SlutWalk column, moral melbourne, arts.
5 Comments. 4,645 Views. Posted 16 May 2011 @ 10:23am.
Your house gets robbed. Police catch the criminal. You're in court and he's about to get his sentence. The judge looks down at the evidence and says: "Well, the fence of your house is shorter than everyone else's in the neighbourhood. So I'll give the defendant a few years off his jail sentence because of the message you were sending." What a ridiculous notion. Well, not too ridiculous for it to... Read More
Osama Bin Laughed At column, moral melbourne, arts.
0 Comments. 1,477 Views. Posted 9 May 2011 @ 12:36pm.
It would be remiss of me not to touch on the events of the past week. Osama bin Laden’s death brought with it an eruption of social media attention. Twitter posts and Facebook statuses spewed out comments, reactions and jokes relating to the deceased Al-Qaeda pin-up boy. What I find interesting is how such jokes and quips seemed to unite people on these social media platforms. It doesn’t seem to... Read More
Begging Your Pardon column, moral melbourne, arts.
5 Comments. 2,153 Views. Posted 2 May 2011 @ 12:50pm.
I was speaking to Phillip last night. You know Phillip. He’s one of Melbourne’s most active homeless people. Yes, one of those slurring, dishevelled characters imploring you to give them money while you are strolling down the city streets, off to buy a $17 cocktail at some dimly lit bar you read about on your MacBook. Phillip is one of the local beggars. His story, that I have heard develop over... Read More